just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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