i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I want to fling myself into the sun
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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