oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
