Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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