she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
