About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
