You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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