I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
