you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize