How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
