so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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