Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
