currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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