Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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