So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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