She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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