Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
