I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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