i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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