it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
whose parrot is this?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
