Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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