He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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