Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
