so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
