you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
