Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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