my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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