I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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