I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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