A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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