a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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