Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
