you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
