I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
