And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
