I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
