a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I touched a dick in church today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
