im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
