Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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