maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
