OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
