All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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