you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
