you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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