Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
