I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize