i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
