i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
