Where is the hickey?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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