this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
