Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
