the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
