if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
