Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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