I think I died a long time ago.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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