she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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