She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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