Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
