and you said cock pushups were impossible
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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