Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
