So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
