I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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